Get much more control over your mind and your life, by resolving the meta-model violation known as nominalization. This works because nominalization removes the actor from the scene. If I say, “I have to go visit my stupid relatives,” I’m not saying who is in charge of the “have to.” If I decide to be empowered, I can say, “I’m going to make my mom happy by visiting my stupid relatives.” or, “I decided it wasn’t worth going through that misery.” Even better, if you can say it honestly, “I’m going to create a completely new and mind-expanding experience with my relatives.”
We nominalize when we turn verbs into nouns. If you talk about “the relationship,” it seems to have a life of its own. Where is your (and the other person’s) leadership and vision? Think about situations in which you feel less powerful. You might feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or coerced. Find a nominalization in the way you talk about the situation.
De-nominalize by turning at least one noun into a verb.
Find a way to turn at least one noun into a verb. This change puts someone into the driver’s seat. The more challenging or empowering it feels, the better. If it challenges you to take responsibility in some way, that is a special challenge to embrace.
Talk about it without nominalization.
Explore ways to talk about the situation without nominalization, and by including the verb(s) you identified. Instead of, “This job is killing my soul.” you might have, “I am super motivated to get a different job, and fast. I’m networking and telling everyone I meet to keep an eye out for good opportunities in my field.”
Do you feel that you are in a more meaningful, connected, empowered state?