What if your client could do nothing wrong?
Taking this position isn’t always a good idea, but it is a skill worth practicing because it primes your clients to become more cooperative and creative in finding solutions. This experience is like a chess sequence in that it starts with a set up and is followed by additional moves. Try using these ingredients during an entire session with clients that you feel may benefit from it. This will be for them, but also for your practice. Each time your client says something that you feel you need to resist, correct, or negatively judge, look for one of the following opportunities:
a need to which you can relate their statement;
a monetary value to which their statement can be linked;
a feeling, either positive or negative, to which you can relate their statement, or…
a positive goal to which you can connect their statement
Each time you select one of these connections, also think of a second connection that will begin to create momentum in the direction of a good outcome, either in the short or long term.
For example, if the client says that his boss is a real jerk, you might connect this to a feeling such as, “You look bitterly disappointed.” I know you don’t want anything to get in the way of enjoying your work and really performing. "
When you decided to connect the feelings, you thought at least one step ahead, and saw that bringing the feelings into the foreground would not only show that you can acknowledge his body language and stay relevant, but you also planned to connect the feelings to his values and dreams. The client thought he was simply angry, but the words “bitterly disappointed” not only more accurately reflected his body language, but they also primed him to connect with what he was disappointed about. You may not have known exactly what it was, but it was most likely something like his career goals, his hopes for his role and contributions in the company, or his desire to function at his best (which his boss was interfering with through emotional stress). By speaking in general or vague terms in the second segment ("… enjoying your work and really performing"), you leave room for him to connect with the specifics on his own terms. In the rare situation when you are too far off the mark, the client will tell you. To bring one (or all) of these into focus, you might simply ask the client to talk about it. If the client is not good at making such connections right away, you can ask about these things more directly and make the connections for them.
Stumping the client and having them squirm while they try to make connections can simply anchor a state of confusion and helplessness, as well as interfere with the development of rapport. On top of that, it wastes valuable time. And in the field of rapid therapy, the more time you waste, the less effective you are (and the least profitable, since you’re paid for results, not by the clock). Memory research has shown that staying with that “tip of the tongue” feeling when a memory cannot be verbalized does not strengthen memory power, even if the memory does eventually come into consciousness. Also, it is more important to move the treatment along than it is to give the client practice in articulating things that are not very conscious. There is nothing wrong with supplying the words for the client, so long as the client feels free to tell you how those words need to be adjusted to more accurately reflect their inner world. The more experienced you become, the more consistent you will be in providing just the right words. This creates a great deal of momentum and efficiency in this kind of interventive experience.
Now that you have the client talking about their dreams and needs, you have opened the gate to creating meaningful objectives for your work with them. This is much more productive than “trying” to “get” the client past their anger. That was just the surface emotion anyway. Now look at the kinds of goals that might be on the table, with the client’s full interest.
Getting into a very creative, positive state when dealing with his boss, and having specific strategies to turn the situation around;
Increasing his confidence and resources in order to negotiate a better position and a better boss;
Destroying his boss with deft use of office politics and outshining his boss, and
Getting so attuned to his goals and confidence that his boss doesn’t shake him and, as a result, is no longer a threat to your client’s performance. (Or some combination of the foregoing.) Your assessment of your client and your client’s self-knowledge will help you select from goals such as these.