Sometimes the client believes that they only have one choice in reaction to certain negative events, such as getting upset, feeling threatened, or dwelling in misery. We can challenge the limiting belief by asking, “what would it mean if you were not worried about it?” For example,

Client: “I’m worried my wife is going to leave me suddenly.”

Therapist: “Did she say or do something that made you think this way?”

Client: “No, she is amazing and we’re doing so well. That’s why I’m worried about it.”

Therapist: “What would it mean if you were not worried about it?”

Client: “That I don’t care enough about her.”

Therapist: “How does not worrying about her leaving suddenly, even though everything is amazing between you two, mean you don’t care about her?”

Client: “Well, it doesn’t…”

Here you can further explore the origin of the limiting belief, and, of course, depending on the particular case, it could lead in any direction. With this specific client, the issue was that he felt vulnerable and could not handle the level of exposure he needed to sustain to keep his relationship “amazing,” as he stated. Instead of working needlessly on his surface structure (worried about his wife leaving), we ended up working on the real issue, which was fear of being exposed.