It improves cooperation in many situations. The double bind is a basic communication enhancement method that requires that the person you are communicating with accept a presupposition. This is followed by choices. You’ll recognize this simple version:
“Would you like to pay in cash or credit?”
Step 1: Establish the context for your communication. #
Think of a situation in which you would like to increase others’ cooperation. Sales and coaching are great situations for this. However, even a simple persuasion situation, such as convincing your 10-year-old son to go to bed at 10 p.m. instead of watching another movie, would do. Get a clear idea of how you would know if the person was being cooperative, which in essence means that you need to establish a quick, well-defined outcome to your communication with that person in that context.
Step 2: Determine the presupposition. #
Identify a basic presupposition upon which this cooperation would be predicated. Now, this is not an embedded command, but this should be the conclusion the other person comes to after you apply the double bind in your conversation with them. You are going to buy this because you need this. You are definitely going to base this decision upon your highest values. You can prove yourself here by getting a constructive outcome.
Step 3: Align the situation with the premise. #
Imagine communicating with people in this kind of situation. Think of ways you can get them aligned with your basic presuppositions, the ones you’ve established in 2. The most elegant ways are largely or completely unconscious. If you are talking to a street kid who is used to proving himself by being tough, you might use numerous anchoring and hypnotic methods to get him primed to prove his manhood by being a constructive leader in a situation that could turn violent without his help. Notice that this last phrase already distances him from the violence. Instead of saying, “Don’t do it,” the presumption is that he is separate from the situation and has a choice whether or not to help. It also implies that he is needed, by appealing to his heroic fantasies.
Step 4: Create a 22-catch option. #
Once the presupposition is firmly in place, construct a choice that is predicated upon this presumption. Some examples You could keep the circle of revenge going around and around, killing more people on various sides of various conflicts, as if there wasn’t a bigger world out there for everybody, or you could run and hide, but I’m wondering what you’re going to do to turn them around and save some lives. Keep some of those pretty girls prettier; keep the party going. It isn’t whether you have the stuff. You’ve proven yourself. But how are you going to take it to another level? Maybe use some of that fast talk of yours to mess with their heads a little and get them thinking about other stuff. Maybe get them thinking about the lives they could have had they not been on this merry-go-round.
Step 5: Test. #
Try this approach in the situation and, as you improve your skills, notice how much your results improve. Communication skills are not based on tricks or memorized techniques. A key goal of NLP practice is unconscious competence. Every opportunity to practice is another brick on the road to mastery. Instead of memorizing techniques, practice them in your imagination. When I first began studying these concepts, I went on a long imaginary journey every day. I practiced only in my mind, making up thousands of possible situations in which I would need to be persuasive and influential. What is so good about your imagination? You can slow the process down. In real life, people are not going to wait for you to think about a presumption that will help you build a double bind. They might also become suspicious if you use techniques that you have memorized. But they’re going to be mesmerized if you aren’t using a technique consciously, if these ideas and concepts are expressed in your words without your intention to use them… as if it was always your natural way of communicating.