“Engagement” has become the new buzz word in business consulting and corporate training: “engagement.” All it means is that the person in a team is fully committed and acting independently and purposefully on behalf of achieving the team’s mutually desired outcome. Now, this does not only apply to business environments. A family is a team. A couple is a team. Parents are a team. Any group of two or more people that has a common desired outcome is a team. Engagement, if practiced consciously and with care, is a powerful tool to achieve and maintain a desired outcome.

Although the marketing departments of agencies around the world have worked hard to turn “engagement” into a complicated and lengthy model, it is simple and direct. You increase the engagement of anyone on your team by learning their perspective on the following criteria:

Step 1: Belonging: “Do I feel like I belong here? #

Do I feel needed? "

Step 2: Assurance: “Am I aware of the desired outcome and supporting it? #

Do I know for sure how things are going to work out for everyone’s benefit? "

Step 3: Value: “Am I worthy of being valued the same as everyone else on the team? #

Does my opinion count as much as X or Y? "

Step 4: Independence: “Am I free to make an impact on the process and the results? #

Am I going to be outcast or rejected for making an innocent mistake? Do I have a say about the details and experiences of the process and of the desired outcome? " The better and more positive the responses to these questions are, the greater the likelihood that a person will be engaged. They will experience internal motivation and a desire to contribute in ways that go beyond the scope and requirements of their position or role in the team. A significant factor in why husbands feel disconnected from family life is that their wives are typically the official decision-makers, which reduces their “value” as a result of their involvement. Add to that the wife’s criticism of anything and everything, and the “assurance” and, eventually, the “belonging” aspects of the relationship are diminished. Establishing family rules without consulting the husband and thereby diminishing his “independence” are two factors that frequently contribute to a divorce being finalized. Husbands are also not angels in every way! Because of their reluctance to share, open up, and be vulnerable, their husband’s “belonging” aspect in his wife’s engagement quadrant is reduced. In addition, the wife’s grumpy face and exhaustion, which result in a lack of affectionate attention, cause her to score even lower on the scales of “value” and “assurance.” When the husband is the primary breadwinner, the concept of “independence” fails as soon as something goes wrong in the marriage.