Even if you don’t recognize the criticism coming from an inner voice, you may typically infer it’s based on some experience or timeline of incidents. When you take the time to analyze the situation, you may learn that your internal voice is wrong.
What the voice says is rarely a reality, but more often an interpretation, a generalization, or an assessment of a situation. It’s common for the facts underlying an opinion to be left out entirely in favor of a premise that’s presented as fact rather than an impression.
When a “fact” is uncomfortable, it may seem as though there is nothing that can be done about it because it appears to be factual. It is impossible to come to an agreement if your reasoning differs from the voice’s perspective. It’s possible to come to a consensus if you look at the incident from which these varied inferences are drawn.
Even when a voice highlights a specific episode, such as “I can’t imagine you would do this to Jenna.” How can you be so incredibly cruel? “It just brings up a very small portion of what actually occurred, namely one statement that you uttered to someone at random and spontaneously. Reviewing all the additional facts about the event—what you said and how you behaved, who was there, the things happening, your mood at the time, and other relevant factors—helps you gain a better understanding of what unfolded. That one sentence may have been the exception, but you may be surprised to realize that you were extremely sensitive to others in general. A more well-rounded reaction is always the result of more information.
Step 1: Initiate a downtime state. #
Step 2: Listen to the criticizing internal voice. #
Step 3: Take notice of its location and direction and define its spatial boundaries. #
Step 4: Tell the voice that you appreciate whatever message it has to offer you and that you want to understand it fully so you can act on it appropriately. #
Step 5: Tell the voice that you understand it is trying to help you, and that you are more interested in the objective facts right now. #
Step 6: Ask the voice for further details about the origin of its statement. #
For example, if the voice says, “You’re such an idiot,” it is not pointing out a fact; it is voicing an opinion about an incident that is not referenced any more.
Step 7: Explain it to the voice: Every action you take, everywhere you go, at any time and into the future can be categorized as “idiotic. #
" In the event that you are truly incompetent in all contexts, you are likely to be extremely unhappy or perhaps suicidal. That is why a generalization such as this statement is not helpful.
Step 8: If the voice says the statement is due to the fact that you failed an important exam, you can further inquire about what makes this one incident the only factor that determines the rest of your life. #
One bad grade in a class can be all that’s needed to form the basis of a prejudice. Other possible explanations include a lack of preparation, illness, obliviousness to the upcoming exam, or any other circumstance. Even if such is the case, the incident was not due to your incompetence, but rather to something unavoidable like a sickness that you had no control over. It had little to do with being distracted or careless.
Step 9: Ask the voice for some help with new ideas: “How can I do better before the next exam? #
Can you please help me with specific action steps I can take, maybe starting even today?“ Remember to remain respectful and patient. That internal voice is not your enemy; it is the product of survival mechanisms combined with the voices of important people in your past.