Source: Leslie Cameron Bandler

This pattern shows how surprisingly easy it is to enhance your feelings of love and affection towards your loved one, how to extend infinitely a familiar and endearing intimacy. These exciting results are produced with nothing more than anchoring.

Step 1: Clarify what you want to feel toward a special person. #

Select a special person for this exercise, such as your significant other. List in your mind or on paper the feelings you would like to feel toward this person. Even though dynamics in the relationship may have caused some alienation, regaining these dear feelings can help you enhance the relationship. The usual way is to work on the relationship so that the feelings will return. This is a “bottom-up” approach because it emphasizes the somatic (physiology).

Step 2: Elicit and focus on this loving state. #

Put the feelings that you identified together in a loving state. Enhance that state by working with the sub-modalities that are most powerful in inducing this state. If the state is developing well, you will find it easier to forgive the other person’s faults and transgressions, if appropriate.

Step 3: Enhance the state with future experiences. #

Enhance the state further by imagining future experiences that you will both enjoy together with a strong bond. Keep adding images, sounds, and feelings to these experiences until you get a sense of being in love throughout your body.

Step 4: Once you have a strong state, anchor it. #

Step 5: Test the anchor. #

After repeating steps three and four a few times (usually 10 or 12 times is plenty), test the anchor. Do this by breaking the state, then firing the anchor. If the anchor works, then you should feel a loving connection with this person. If you are not satisfied with the results, a likely reason is that you did not associate yourself fully in step three, or there was a problem with the anchor you chose.

Step 6: Test for results. #

Discover ways to use this process to enhance your relationship. For example, fire the anchor before working on communication with your partner. Notice how these explorations affect your relationship. Choose your partners wisely. Relationships with manipulative, demeaning, or destructive people are inappropriate. This is because aspects of the interaction trigger even more powerful negative states. Change those anchors to elicit “antidote” states. That interaction should generate an open, articulate state in which you are good at understanding but also good at staying connected to your own reality.