When there is a mismatch or conflict between a person’s internal experiences and their external expressions, this is referred to as incongruence in NLP. Inconsistencies in their words, body language, and emotions could indicate this. Someone may claim to be confident, but their body language and tone of voice suggest otherwise. Incongruence can also occur when a person is unaware of their own emotions or beliefs, resulting in mixed messages in their communication.

Incongruence can obstruct effective communication and connection with others. It can cause confusion and mistrust because people may sense that something about the client’s behavior is not genuine or authentic. In NLP, incongruence is viewed as a chance for growth and self-awareness. People can align their internal experiences with their external expressions by identifying and resolving inconsistencies, resulting in greater authenticity and better communication with others.

In NLP, congruence means that a person’s thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and behaviors are in sync and consistent with one another. When someone is congruent, their verbal and nonverbal expressions correspond to their internal feelings. Their communication exudes authenticity and sincerity, and their body language, tone of voice, and words all convey the same message. Others perceive a congruent person as genuine and trustworthy. Congruency is highly valued in NLP therapy or coaching. In their interactions with clients, a congruent therapist or coach is authentic, transparent, and honest. They are not afraid to express their genuine feelings and reactions, which contributes to the client’s feeling safe and supported. The therapist encourages the client to be more open and authentic by modeling congruence, fostering a deeper level of trust and rapport.