You may be able to rely on the constructive aim of your inner critical voice, even if it has very little to do with you. Our inner voices don’t like to stay idle, and they’ll gladly take on new work if it means they’ll be respected and valuable.

Step 1: Determine the voice’s abilities. #

Listen to the voice and look at the person speaking. What are this person’s abilities and strengths? Everyone, even those with very limited abilities, has some pursuits in which they thrive and others in which they struggle. What did that person excel at? It could be a specific skill or ability, such as persuasion, or it could be a genuinely beneficial, optimistic, or resilient attitude that got him through tough times. Consider what the person was particularly strong at, and develop a list of those abilities.

Step 2: Now, talk to that person and express your admiration for his or her unique qualities. #

“You were really encouraging and supportive of me when I really needed it.”

Step 3: Show your appreciationGive thanks for what you learned if you learned one or more of these valuable skills from that person. #

Be explicit about what you learnt, and highlight one or two specific circumstances where knowledge has come in handy for you.

Step 4: Think of a competence you didn’t really learn. #

Consider the additional skills that person possesses that you did not learn. Choose one that will be very useful to you in specific scenarios.

Step 5: Seek assistance. #

Next, ask that voice whether it would be willing and able to help you when you find yourself in a position where that talent would be especially useful to you. The voice can help you in a variety of ways, such as noting whenever something needs changing, recommending what remains to be improved, monitoring of resources, reassuring you, providing you with contextual cues or ideas, and so on.

Step 6: Consider a specific occasion in the past where you would have appreciated this type of support and one that might arise in the future. #

Step 7: Enter your mind’s theatre and sit down to watch a movie of the event to see what happens. #

Give your voice some credit if it provides useful information. If the voice does not assist you, speak with it to determine what has to be done so that it will be willing to assist you, and then test again. Repeat as many times as necessary until you are completely satisfied.

Step 8: Check for congruence. #

Go within into a downtime state and ask, “Does any part of me object or have any concerns about the changes we’ve made?” In answer to your query, take note of any sensations, visual images, auditory sounds, or voices that may suggest a concern. Usually, there will be no objections because the voice is happy to assist and receive some recognition for what it knows how to do well, and the end result will be to maximize performance. If you discover anything that could signal a problem, first double-check to ensure that it truly indicates an objection, and then figure out how to satisfy the objection so that you can achieve congruence. You can do so with the Parts Negotiation pattern.