Source: Robert McDonald

Select a conflict with your parents for this pattern.

Tune into your negative maternal representations.

Concentrate these representations.

Constellate these into a shape.

Break state.

Do the same for your father representations.

Elicit your maternal and paternal positive intentions. Thank the parts.

Have the parts appreciate each other.

Combine the parts.Store the new part.

Future pace.

Test.

Resolving old conflicts with your parents can free up a lot of energy, creativity, and personal growth. This is done mentally, not necessarily with your parents. This may be done unconsciously, but it is still harmful. In addition, many of us have internalized the way our parents (or other caregivers) treated us as children. This not only limits us directly, but also hinders our ability to fully express our parents’ gifts.

Many people still have issues with their parents, either in real life or as symbols. Some parents notice they speak to their kids in the same tone and content as their parents, but they can’t stop it.

Despite many promises to “never be like my father” or “never be like my mother,” they find themselves caught in the same thought patterns and behaviors as their parents.

When a client comes to you with a problem, you will notice that they use willpower to control their automatic behavioral responses.

Our “programming” (what some mistakenly call “genes”) eventually triumphs. They can’t avoid thinking about it.

Explain to your client that their parents did the best they could given their limited resources in education, competence, parenting, and financial knowledge. Their parents (your client’s grandparents) must have treated them the same way. Their children do not have to inherit their parents’ bitterness, criticism, and harshness.

The most elegant and mind-easing way to help them is to forgive their parents for their mistakes.

Step 1: Select a conflict with your parents for this pattern. #

Think of a conflict with one or both parents or caretakers. The conflict does not have to be current, and your parents do not have to be living. Pick a conflict that you would like to resolve, or that you feel is limiting you in some way. For example, it may be absorbing your mental or emotional energy. Throughout these steps, we will work with your internal representation of a male and female parent. If your situation does not match, you can select an appropriate childhood authority figure or influence for the missing gender parent. 2.Tune into your negative maternal representations. Focus on the areas in your body and mental space where you find feelings and other representations related to the negative aspects of your mother figure. Imagine these feelings and other representations flowing from your body and mind into the palm of your left hand. Continue doing so until you have them all represented in your palm.

Step 4: Constellate them into a shape. #

Invite these representations to function like energy that can coalesce into a solid, visible shape.

Step 5: Break state. #

Distract yourself with an activity such as thinking about a travel route or tying your shoes in order to change your state.

Step 6: Do steps two through five for your father’s representations. #

Tune into your negative paternal representations, concentrate them into the palm of your right hand, and constellate them into a solid shape. Break state.

Step 7: Elicit your maternal and paternal positive intentions. #

Ask your mother-in-law what positive intentions she had underneath the negative actions that led to your representations. Continue to solicit these meta-intentions until you feel that you have a complete sense of this. The intentions may not have been rational, but you have many hints from your childhood as to her underlying positive intentions. You might phrase your question as: “What good thing were you trying to do for me with these behaviors and attitudes?” Repeat this with your father’s representation.

Step 8: Thank the parts. #

Directly thank the parties for participating in this pattern, and validate their positive intentions for you.

Step 9: Encourage the parts to appreciate one another. #

Have the parts face each other and express appreciation for each other’s participation in this pattern and their positive intentions.

Step 10: Combine all the parts. #

Tell the parts that they can become a single, more positive, and powerful force by combining into a single entity. Ask them if they are willing to proceed with this. If not, resolve any ecological issues. Then slowly bring your hands together and allow the images to merge into a single entity. Keep your hands tightly together until you have had some time to integrate this change. Then open your hands and reveal the new entity. 11.Store the new part. Discover where in your body or mental space that you would like to place this new part so that it can become an integrated aspect of your resources. Touch the area where you will store these resources. Maintain contact with it to establish an anchor as you bring the image into that area. Allow the feelings to carry you back through your childhood and into your mother’s womb, infused with these positive feelings. Now allow these resourceful feelings that are resonating throughout your body and mind to carry you through your life, literally growing you up to this present moment in your adulthood.

Step 12: The Future Pace: Continue to touch the anchor and step into the future so you can imagine your future with these resources. #

Step 13: Test. #

In the coming days and weeks, notice any changes in your relationship with your parents, if they are alive, and any authority figures or other intimate relationships. Notice any ways that you feel empowered by these resources.