With this pattern, you will get a chance to work on a fundamental skill that will help you when modeling and ensuring that you communicate effectively.

Step 1: Recognize meta-model violations. #

When someone is speaking to you, pay attention to meta-model violations such as excessive generalization or deletion, as well as inappropriate presuppositions and assumptions. Examine whether you are able to create accurate sensory representations of what the other person is saying. During the “mapping over” into sensory representations, it is likely that you will encounter gaps in your understanding that will tempt you to “fill in the blanks” by departing from the sensory representation or by using your imagination. How well do you understand what the person is referring to and what they are trying to convey?

Step 2: Inquire about any meta-model violations you come across. #

When two ideas that don’t belong together are treated as if they do (complex equivalence), then you should inquire. I’m perplexed as to how anti-war demonstrations are dividing our country. Is it possible that the individual is unaware of the fact that countries have always been divided over issues and that this has been the nature of politics throughout history? Perhaps they are aware of this, but are concerned that a military coup will result as a result of it this time. If a person becomes irritated or manipulative when you ask meta-model questions (questions that clarify meta-model violations), try to figure out what the person is attempting to prevent you from knowing or doing as a result of your questions. You can begin by directly inquiring as to why they are becoming enraged (or whatever their reaction is). It goes without saying that this should be a situation in which you are safe and do not stand to gain much by alienating this individual. After all, this is just for practice purposes.

Step 3: Continue until you have a well-formed understanding of what the other person is saying. #

Step 4: Test your understanding by expressing it to the other person and seeing if they agree, or test your understanding by seeing if you have a clear understanding of how to respond effectively. #

To give an obvious example, if you were given directions by someone, did you manage to get to your destination on time?