In order to protect the therapeutic relationship between a therapist and a client, the founders of motivational interviewing created two very useful elements. Coaches can use it too. Instead of the therapist, the client makes progressive, mature statements. This removes resistance and accelerates the client’s healing. The first method is “negative spotlighting.”

When someone says something that defies well-formed syntax, you can exaggerate it to help the other person model their world better. “I don’t need to be a purist,” a drug addict might say. I occasionally use cocaine. Then say, “You have total control of cocaine now.” Anyone in a recovery program knows this is absurd. “Well, uh, I guess that’s just the addiction talking,” they must say. Notice that it was not you who said it. You only used motivational interviewing to contradict what they said.

Although the practitioner’s claim is exaggerated, it is not made in a sarcastic manner. It must be done with complete sincerity and gentleness. It is stated factually. “Oh, you think you can now control cocaine?” It’s a factual statement. “You are now in total command of cocaine.” You say it smoothly, as if it’s new information. So the client can correct and educate you. That shows the client she’s smart and has something to say. It allows the client to come to her own conclusions and control her own thoughts to change her direction. This allows the client to think more freely.This is very helpful because now the client owns the enlightened statement; they do not feel compelled to resist you because you are not trying to shove it down their throats. Any time you feel like you are pushing a client or customer, you could probably benefit from a motivational interviewing technique. The original book on this is called “Motivational Interviewing.”

The other motivational interviewing technique that is a great meta-model response is what we call “positive spotlighting.” Here, you highlight something very constructive or adaptive that the client says. This reinforces the constructive way of thinking and gives them credit. If the person says: “I realized that my wife left me because I was abusing drugs.” You could say, “You have the kind of insight that shows real courage in the face of a tremendous loss.“Isn’t that much better than saying, “So you’re finally realizing what a schmuck you’ve been!” ?

This positive approach reinforces the best qualities of the person and creates hope and strength that could make the difference between sobriety and relapse, perhaps even life and death. This is not to say that you bear total responsibility for every choice a client, customer, or employee makes, but I say it to remind you of what an important contribution you can make to people’s lives when you learn the powerful insights and methods of Neuro Linguistic Programming.