Enhance your ability to establish rapport and to model excellence. This pattern builds a useful “second position” with another person. This ability is essential for modeling others and developing intuition in understanding the internal experiences of those you model.Here’s a quote about mirroring and rapport from the book NLP: The New Technology of Achievement, by NLP Comprehensive, Steve Andreas, and Charles Faulkner: “Fitting in is a powerful human need. We all have many examples of these behaviors, because we do them already. They are all based on some form of being similar, familiar, or alike. Finding ways to be alike reduces our differences, and so we find the common ground upon which to base a relationship. "

Step 1: Select a subject (person) for a conversation. #

Don’t tell them that you will be mirroring them.

Step 2: Carry on the conversation while mirroring the other person. #

During the conversation, ask their opinions on various topics. Mirror their physiology, including factors such as the tenor and cadence of their speech and body language such as gestures. Do this subtly. If you need help maintaining the dialog, use active listening. This involves showing that you understand what they are saying by rephrasing their contributions. Beginning with a phrase such as, “You mean…” or “So you’re saying…” As you mirror, add elements such as their breathing as much as possible. Notice how you feel as the rapport between you two develops.

Step 3: Test your intuition and understanding of the person. #

Assess your rapport-building skills. Test your gut reaction to what they say. Can you foresee their thoughts? To test the effect on rapport, try expressing your own opinion. If you express your opinion tentatively, the person may enjoy reassuring you of its correctness and demonstrating their mastery of the subject. This makes you a positive anchor. Highly effective rapport can learn information about the other person from their subconscious, making them feel psychic. This is great for modeling.

Step 4: Exercise your influence by shifting your attitude and physiology. #

Test your ability to influence others through rapport. Try shifting your attitude and physiology (e.g., breath pace, facial expression, and body language) in what you consider to be a desirable or possible direction. For example, shifting from a resentful or angry state gradually into a more constructive or powerful state. If you do this with some care, the other party is likely to shift with you. This has enormous value in areas such as sales, leadership, and coaching.

Step 5: Test. #

Explore these skills of “pacing and leading” in your relationships. Think of situations in which you could use these skills to improve your personal life or career performance. Notice what outcomes you get, and refine them as you go.