One of the most common linguistically based self-induced suffering habits is awfulizing. “Awfulizing” is a term used to describe thinking that is characterized by exaggerating the gravity or negative repercussions of events, situations, or imagined threats in an attempt to justify feeling like a “victim” and behaving inappropriately or disproportionately to the situation. Examples:

It’s always my fault. I’m always the one to blame.

I’m already 40 years old. From here on out, it’s all going downhill. "

“I’m at the bottom. I can’t go any lower unless I’m dead.”

I will never get out of this problem. I might as well give up now.

Narrowing means reducing the width and scope of the awfulizing criteria. Instead of arguing with the illogical conclusion of awfulizing or using positive words to encourage the person, we narrow their statement of fact and transform it into a process. It is as simple as replacing the word “why” with the word “how”. Feel the difference between the questions “Why are you at the bottom and can’t go any lower?” To the question, “How are you at the bottom?”

The “how” question immediately reassigns the responsibility back to the subject. “Why” suggests that there are forces that keep you at the bottom. “How” suggests that there’s a process, a logical succession of steps, which ends up with you at the bottom. By interfering and altering any of these steps, the end result changes. “Why” allows for any trigger or stimulus out there to be blamed for the end results. “How” narrows the options to a single linear process, and each step must be an action, therefore a choice of behavior.