The voice that constantly tells you that you’re not good enough, that something must be wrong with you, and that you’ve always been and will always be a failure needs to be dealt with. Instead, we need to install a nurturing inner voice, which is indeed a path to rebalancing the critical parental messages that you have internalized. If you want to move forward, you need to replace that critical voice with a new one that is responsive and empathic, and that can help you feel calm, soothed, and encouraged in the present rather than limited in the past.
Step 1: Initiate a downtime state. #
Step 2: Is there anyone you know who has a really nurturing quality? #
It makes no difference whether he/she is real or fictitious. What is its identity?
Step 3: Once you’ve decided on one person, bring him or her to mind and allow him or her to come to take the form as an internal part. #
Step 4: Consider the person in his or her nurturing role. #
How does this person appear? What exactly is he/she up to? It could be something as simple as humming to a child or gently stroking their hair. If a child is scared, should he or she be comforted by using a soothing voice? Cooking one of your favorite foods? Reading a book? Whatever feels natural.
Step 5: Make that nurturing scene as evocative as possible. #
Pay attention to what is being said as well as the tone of voice he/she is now using.
Step 6: Now, imagine yourself as one of the characters in the scene, first as the child and then as the loving and supportive figure, and consider which one feels more appropriate for you. #
What would it be like to be that child or nurturing figure?
Step 7: Anchor the nurturing voice as you assume the part. #
Enhance the auditory sub modalities. Anchor again. Stack the anchors.
Step 8: Think about a time when you were harsh on yourself. #
Hear what you said and the sentiments those words evoked in you.
Step 9: Fire the anchor. #
Step 10: Now, consciously shift your voice from critical to nurturing—both in words and tone. #
Fire the anchor again.
Step 11: Move to the second perceptual position. #
Step 12: Consider how it feels to be met with compassion and empathy rather than criticism. #
Step 13: Move back to the first perceptual position. #
Play around with the nurturing voice in your head a few more times to get better.
Step 14: Future pace. #
Use this more nurturing voice and words the next time you find yourself in critical voice mode.