Define the problem.

Reveal the underlying motives.

Get to the core motives.

Transform self-sabotage into success. By discovering the positive intent behind a negative behavior or attitude, you can release tremendous energy and positive commitment. Other NLP patterns, such as the Parts Negotiation pattern as well as the Behavior Appreciation pattern, depend on this insight. In his outstanding book, Sleight Of Mouth: The Magic Of Conversational Belief Change, master trainer and famous NLP developer Robert Dilts says: “At some level, all behavior is, or at one time was, positively intended. It is or was perceived as appropriate given the context in which it was established, from the point of view of the person whose behavior it is. It is easier and more productive to respond to the intention rather than the expression of problematic behavior. "

Step 1: Identifying the issue. #

Briefly state the problem with enough detail so that it is clear in your mind. It may be primarily a situation, a personal problem, or a challenge. Focus on defining unproductive behavior. Get clear on why the behavior is not useful.

Step 2: Expose the Hidden Motives. #

Take a few moments to relax, breathe deeply, and lie back. Now, go inside. Imagine your mind has special internal messengers. In NLP, we call them “parts.” These are parts of your personality that have characteristic tendencies or habitual behaviors. Find the part that is responsible for generating the unproductive behavior. Bring this part into awareness as though it were a complete personality. Remember that a part is an aspect of you. It is a collection of aligned motivations. A part is like a little personality inside of you. In order to be aligned and successful, you must not work at cross purposes with yourself. This requires negotiating or working with your parts. Now imagine that you can do a role-playing game with this part. Inquire of the part what it desired to have, do, or become as a result of the negative behavior or attitude.What value or benefit was to come from this? Ask directly, “What did you wish for me to accomplish by doing this?“Take as much time as you need to imagine and listen to the parts’ responses.

Step 3: Get to the heart of the matter. #

Keep asking “why” and “what” questions to clarify the motives. Recycle each answer into a new question. Continue this until you feel that you have gotten to the core motives. You should identify a core belief along with the core value and core reasons for the behaviors or attitudes that, at first glance, seem to be unsupportive of you.