When it comes to relationships, whether you’ve been in one for a long time or are just starting out, you may not have a clear picture of what you want from it and how you want it to feel. What is your preferred method of communication? If a disagreement arises, how do you intend to resolve it? How much time do you want to spend together?How significant is it to receive affectionate physical contact? In the absence of a shared vision, you and your spouse are more likely to react to events than to create the kind of relationship you want. Even if you’re not currently in a relationship, it’s a good idea to have a long-term relationship goal in mind. In this way, you’ll be able to meet someone who shares your vision.

Step 1: With your partner present, sit across from each other, face to-face. #

Step 2: Both of you initiate a downtime state. #

Step 3: Each time you reach out with your hands across your body (right to left, left to right), left hand palm up and right hand palm down, Rest your right hand on the partner’s left hand’s palm and allow them to rest their right hand on your left hand’s palm. #

This is an uncomfortable and awkward position on purpose, as this will help overload the critical mind and bypass some resistance.

Step 4: Both of you enter the timeline and go back to the very first date you had with each other. #

Transfer to a third perceptual position.Do not talk about the details of the date; only answer the following questions, each in your own turn. a. How have your previous relationships made you a better partner for me? b. How do you normally react when you are feeling hurt and sad about something important? c. What makes you lose confidence in a partner? d. When are you at your happiest? e. Looking forward to a life together, what might ruin our relationship? f.  How can we help one another become the people we want to be? g. When do you feel the most vulnerable? How can I prevent myself from hurting you at those times?

Step 5: Take a few deep breaths. #

Break state. Turn around and sit back to back, feeling each other’s backs of the heads, shoulders, and backs.

Step 6: Enter the timeline again, and move forward 20 years. #

Turn around on the timeline, looking towards the past.

Step 7: Ask each other, “Where and when were you unwilling to compromise? #

Step 8: Break state. #

Take a short break to think about everything you have just learned about each other.

Step 9: The key to this process is not to argue or debate the information given. #

Imagine you have read it in the other person’s journal without them knowing, and move on with your day holding that knowledge inside.