In therapy, when a client resists change work, we ought to first look for the secondary gains. When you benefit from keeping an issue or a personal problem, this is referred to as a “secondary gain.” It is when you benefit from an unfavorable condition, circumstance, or limitation in your life. The advantages come from not resolving your problems. It does not imply that the problem is beneficial, but there are advantages to having it. As a result, it is more advantageous to keep the problem than solve it. For example, you may wish for more attention in your life.

So, as if by accident, you injure yourself subtly. As a result, everyone begins to pay more attention to you and take better care of you. You obtain what you desire (attention), but at the expense of something you do not desire (getting hurt). For plenty of people, these unwelcome issues produce the desired outcome. The majority of people are completely unaware that they are engaging in this behavior. This is why? Since it occurs at the unconscious level, it is below the level of consciousness. They’re not trying to act. They simply know they’re getting the desired results, which exacerbates the problem.

To elicit secondary gains, ask: “How would your life be different if you suddenly didn’t do X? What will you lose in terms of feelings or resources? "